Sexism and Heterosexism

Heterosexism: Lisa Diamond Lecture

Yesterday I went to a lecture by Lisa Diamond called Biobehavioral Dynamics in Same-Sex and Other-Sex Couples: Implications for Mental and Physical Health." Lisa Diamond is an associate professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah.

I want to share what I learned at this lecture because our readings focus on heterosexism.

Diamond's research started with a sample of Female/Female couples, Male/Male couples, and Female/Male couples. At this point in her lecture, she stressed that she would be using "same sex" couples and "other sex" couples, because MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT OPPOSITE, THEY ARE JUST DIFFERENT! And I personally think that shifts in accepted language are powerful tools against oppression. I was glad that she said that and put such an emphasis on it. 

The scale they used asked questions like, "do you feel oppressed by society," or, "do you feel oppressed at your job." At the last minute they added the question, "do you feel accepted by your family," and "do you feel accepted by your partners family." For the laboratory test, they brought the couples in to talk about conflicts they faced. One partner discussed a conflict they had with their partner, then they switched places to talk about another conflict, and then they had a cool down session where they discussed something good that has happened in their relationship recently as to not send them off angry with each other. They were testing a few different things that I don't quite remember, but one important hormone was cortisol, which I believe we are all familiar with.

The rest of the lecture focused on the oppression the individuals felt by their own family and by their partners family, because that was the only section they saw any real differences, which is interesting.

And as a disclaimer, some of this was over my head so I'm going to try to be vague as to not mess up the findings.

What they found is that gay and lesbian individuals face similar negative mental and physical health problems that we also find in other minority groups in America. But the interesting part was most of the individuals in all three groups didn't feel oppressed by society or by their place of employment. Because it has become socially unacceptable to discriminate against groups of people, now minority groups face oppression in subtle ways. An example the researcher gave was a lesbian couple going to a family event, but no one from the family talks to the lesbian partner. It's not that they were discriminated against per se, but that they were involved in a hostile environment.

So, what they found as a correlation of higher stress levels was a partner perceiving that their partner's family didn't like them, not that they felt oppression by society or by their place of employment. They found a correlation between partners feeling their partners family didn't accept them, and attachment anxiety. Her explanation was, maybe the family didn't like the partner because they were a jerk, or maybe the families didn't like the partners because of their orientation. Maybe the family would say, "we don't care that you're homosexual, we just don't like HER. She's not the right one for you." But she was very clear that further research needed to be done to conclude anything of that sort. She said she really wanted to continue the research by contacting the families to see if the families really didn't like the partner and if so, why.

Back to Sexism: Men Can Stop Rape Activity

As a few of you know, I'm a Healthy Sexuality Peer Educator at UT. The program is a three semester commitment. The first semester is really intense. There is a ton of reading, and you have to write a review on a research article every single week. But the next two semesters you get to teach, and you only have to attend a one hour seminar class.

Over the summer by professor went to DC to take a training on a program called "Men Can Stop Rape." She has partnered with a UT police officer named Kevin to do a trial run of the program to see if it makes sense to implement it to a larger degree on UT. My cohort participates in it every other class.

A lot of the activities so far have focused on how crazy victim blaming is. For example, one of the first classes we had we were asked what advice females are given to not get raped. "Don't dress like a slut, don't drink too much, don't walk alone, don't walk in a dark alley, etc." Things that may be harm reduction, but you certainly have no control over someone raping you. THE RAPIST HAS CONTROL OVER RAPING YOU. So this class is basically focused on how we can shift the message to men on how harmful these messages to women are.

But the activity we did yesterday was really powerful to me, so I want to share it.

We did an activity similar to what we did in Dr. Gerlach's class: we had to rate a few cards on if they were "not at all a harm to women," "least harmful to women," or "most harmful to women."

The first few were things like "blaming a victim for being raped because she drank too much." That was an obvious "most harmful to women." Then there were cards like "acquaintance rape," which we labeled the most harmful. I believe we placed "stranger rape" right before "acquaintance rape." (Just to be clear for those that are confused, my cohort believes that acquaintance rape is most harmful because you trusted that person to be in your life, and they are probably part of your group of friends. Victims may feel like they had some control over that, although we know that rapists have control, not you. Additionally, 9 out of 10 rapes occur between people that know each other. Because it is a more prevalent problem, it is the most harmful.)

But the ones that were hard for us that we really debated were things like, "honking or cat calling at someone." I immediately said most harmful. But one of my peers responded by saying something along the lines of, "some people would love to be objectified. Imagine how handicapped people feel to never be objectified." I feel that's a somewhat valid point, and so I wanted to share it here. But why I think it's terrible is the socialization that has to happen for men to think that is appropriate or makes a woman feel good. I am probably one of the most paranoid people ever (I realized this after one of these classes. Kevin told us we can always call UTPD to get an escort to our car, and I said, "Yeah, but then I think that they will probably send a guy and that scares me too." I heard a lot of my classmates say, "Wow," after I said that, and they're right. THAT'S RIDICULOUS of me. But I've been socialized to be terrified.) But why I bring that up is, when I get honked at our cat called at, I don't feel safe. And for another human being to have the social acceptance to make me not feel safe is WRONG. We settled on putting it between least and most harmful. 

The next one that was difficult was "calling a girl a slut." Some of the girls in my class said that they say "hey slut" to their friends or when they are talking about the guys they want to hook up with they call each other sluts. There was discussion of  taking back the word slut in events like Slutwalk, which I actually took part of last year. 

Marching from the capitol

Oops, pardon my grammatical error! (Isn't this lady FABULOUS?)

There was also discussion about how you may use this in a sexual situation, like calling yourself or your partner a dirty slut because you like it in that situation. We ended up putting it next to "least harmful for women."

The next one was a big one for me, and specifically relates to our readings. "Calling a guy a 'pussy' or a 'faggot.'" Again, I thought this should go under most harmful to women, but the rest of my class thought it should go next to "calling a girl a slut." My rationale is again socialization. Men are socialized to want to be manly, and that anything feminine is bad. And by calling a guy a pussy or a faggot, (without even thinking about how derogatory the word faggot is in general), a guy may feel like he has to actively pursue a woman to make sure the guys "knows" he's one of the guys. I also think this relates to a point I made in class, that men and women won't really know equality until men start moving towards predominately female jobs like teaching or hello, social work. But that might make a guy a pussy or a faggot, plus, why should people be paid fair wages for jobs that are predominately female? I just feel like those words are dangerous because they promote gender segregation. We put it next to calling a girl a slut.

And then the last card, the one that made me even think about putting this long ass story on my blog. "Reading Maxim or Tucker Max." Immediately you think, okay, definitely least harmful to women... that's just a magazine and a book. But my peer brought up an interesting point. She said something like, "don't these two things promote pursuing women? And doesn't that make them more harmful because they are part of the socialization of men?" I think that's interesting. And I think it's true.  

Kevin started this class by asking, "What would you do if you were at the lake and you saw a person drowning?" We responded with things like call 911, jump in, reach out to them with a stick, etc. Then he said, "What if there were two people? What if you looked back and there were ten people drowning?" We were baffled and said I don't know just call 911? Kevin and my professor had to say, "Wouldn't you want to go upstream and find the asshole that was pushing all of these people in the water?"

So, the point that my peer made about how Maxim and Tucker Max contribute to the socialization is really about the asshole pushing all of the folks into the water. 

Anyway, I thought these two experiences were really interesting and related directly to what we are talking about in Social Justice.

I look forward to reading your blogs!

Check out my personal blog. (I pretty much blog about women's rights. I posted by op-ed on this blog, and I would really love to see everyone's op-eds!)

Patriarchy, Anorexia, and Trayvon Martin

Is everyone in our class aware of what the Patriarchy is? Let me give you a quick review.

Taxonomy of Patriarchy
1. Belief in Male Superiority- women are closer to animals; they're emotional and of a lower evolutionary order
2. Sexual Segregation- men are in the PUBLIC sphere (business) and women are in the PRIVATE sphere (home)
3. Sexual Control of Women- sexual double standard; women are defined as sexual beings more than men ("good" man- no connotation to sexuality; "good" woman- virgin); idea of women dressing for men
4. Derived Female Status- your status is acquired by marrying- you take his last name and so do your children (ever heard the term "trophy wife"?)
5. Primary of Reproductive Role- even if woman has a job, she still has the role of primary caretaker; there is a preference for male children (If a couple has a male child, they are less likely to become pregnant again. Fathers are more likely to ask for custody of male children.)

Girl Hate
I'm so mad reading this short essay, because it hit so close to home. Not that my story is in any way the same as Jenifer Fennell's, but because I felt such similar emotions when I was growing up. (And for the record, what an ASSHOLE that doctor was, telling Jenifer her vagina smelled wrong. Ladies, putting perfume [or scented soap] anywhere near vagina is likely to cause a yeast or bacterial infection. YOUR VAGINA IS PERFECT JUST THE WAY IT IS/SMELLS.)

It wasn't until I started taking this Sociology of Gender class that I realized how backwards the ideals I learned were. Especially through the abstinence-only education. "You've got only one asset, and you better protect it."

Amy Johnson: My Problem with Purity Balls

And how about all of the craze of women's reproductive health and contraception coverage? Oh right, I want my birth control covered to control my fertility, so I'm a raging slut. But your Viagra is covered so that you can continue to have sex but you're just a male suffering from erectile dysfunction? GIVE ME A BREAK. If that isn't an example of the patriarchy, then I don't know what is.

Because I've been actively involved with the fight for reproductive justice, this article really got me heated. I'm so frustrated at the patriarchal hegemony riddling our society. Isn't this 2012, people?


Anorexia


When I started reading the anorexia article the first person I thought of was Isabelle Caro, an anorexic model who died at just 28.

This billboard was placed in Milan, the fashion capitol of the world.

Watch Isabelle Caro's story.

My friend's six year old daughter asked her yesterday if her pants made her look fat. Prime example of how the media influences girls from a very young age.

I don't think I know a single female who hasn't dieted at some point in her life, whether she needed to or not. This is another example of the patriarchy- the sexual control of women. 

Trayvon Martin


I have been reading a lot on the Trayvon Martin case. I know that a lot of articles have been sent out about the details of the case, so I wanted to link a petition and a really great article that is worth reading.

Change.org Petition to Prosecute Trayvon Martin's Killer

Blacksnob: No Apologies: On the Killing of Trayvon Martin and Being "Good" (I know we have so much to read, but if there is one thing you ever read on my blog, let it be this article.)

Blog About Our Class Discussion Today 3/19/12

7 Worst International Aid Ideas

This link isn't humorous... they are real ideas that, with all good intentions, hurt more than they helped.

I think this is very relevant to the discussion we had today.

One other scenario that comes to mind- I believe Nick Kristof told us this story- is that George Clooney bought an expensive well for a community in Africa, obviously with good intentions. However, surrounding communities wanted access to this resource, and it eventually caused greater conflict than helped. (I'm having trouble finding an article immediately on this... anyone know more about it?)

Last thing- the most important aspect of Social Work I have learned thus far is that we aren't here to do things for people. We are here to help organize communities into their OWN action based on what THEY want to do. We are not here to be an outsider looking in, telling people what we think they need. Because, based on the few examples above, we don't know what they need and what will be helpful. We (I'm generalizing here) don't know their history or their culture. Unfortunately, a lot of good will can have many negative unintended consequences. When I started the Org and Comm class with Dr. Padilla, I believed that I had to come up with all of the plans and ideas and organize, but if something needs to be changed the community knows, and they know best what to do to fix it. I think it is a very Eurocentric thought process to believe that we know what is best for a cultural that is completely different from our own.

One last link....

More about Travyon Martin

Religion

Religion is an interesting topic to me, and I have a lot of anecdotal stories that shape my view of organized religion. Over Spring Break I have had time to jot down my collective experiences. In addition, I feel these experiences tie into the readings which discuss acceptance/intolerance and also how the church can be a good way to rally against injustices. 

Volunteering with the church

One time, when I was still part of the church, my mom and I volunteered to pack and pass out lunches at a nearby apartment complex. I vividly remember the children at the apartment complex "sneaking away" extra bags of food, even though they were completely free. In retrospect, this was the first time I interacted with a low-income community, that was literally about a mile away from my home. At the time, I didn't understand, but looking back maybe that was a situation that influenced me to help people.

Mega-Church Experience

When I was 14 or 15, I had a best friend named Sheena. Sheena is Korean and Christian. She went to church often, and one night her mom invited me to come to a church with them. Because I wanted to continue hanging out with Sheena, I obliged. We arrived at a mega-church. During the service, we were asked to pray for one another. Several older women touched me and prayed to God for me to be saved (and it's not like I said I was an atheist. These women just felt I needed to be saved). It felt really phony to me, and also really weird. People were crying and speaking in tongues. I don't remember what the preacher said at all, but I remember how the service made me feel. It wasn't good.  

The TV

When I lived in Carrollton, I bought a flat screen TV off of Craigslist. Note to the class: flat SCREEN does not mean flat PANEL. When I got to the house in Flower Mound, there was a gigantic, probably at least 85 pound TV in the garage. It would not fit in my car, even with the back seats down. For some reason I didn't have the nerve to say, "Hey, this isn't what I thought it was and I'm no longer interested." Instead, they offered to load it up in their SUV and bring it to my house- a very nice gesture. When the man arrived, my boyfriend and the man walked the TV up the stairs. We told him how thankful we were for him bringing it over and helping us get it upstairs. The man said something along the lines of, "No problem. Would you mind if I prayed for you?" I assume we politely declined, but that felt derogatory. This man was in OUR home, and was obviously making judgements about us.

The Talk: Part One

Two or three years ago, my dad took my sister and me on a cruise. One night when we were getting ready for dinner, he asked us about religion. My response was I respect religion, but it's not for me. He told me that he didn't know what I would do when he passed away, and that he wished I would find God before that happened. This thought process that I won't be able to cope without having a church to go to seems absurd to me. Whether I am religious or not, the passing of my father is going to be devastating. I'm sure that when that happens, my loved ones will be there for me. I feel confident that I will be able to cope without a god.

The Talk: Part Two

My dad lives in California, so we try to connect with each other one the weekends when we both have free time. When we talk on Sundays after he has been to church, he always tells me how good he feels and that "one day" he will "convert me." It kind of just dampens my mood. It feels like he believes our bond would be stronger if we practiced the same faith. I respect his beliefs, but it feels that he doesn't respect mine. And to be clear, I don't feel my dad is the only person of faith that feels that way. Often, I feel people of faith don't respect my choices. 

Intro to Social Work

In my Intro to Social Work class (I am aware that non-SW majors take this course) our professor asked what we would do if we were religious and our client was not. A student in the class said that she would quote scripture to the person and tell them it changed her life. I felt so offended. Luckily our professor told her that would not be appropriate, but her suggestion felt really arrogant to me. If I was the client, I would be turned off to receiving help from Social Workers.

Joseph, a Presbyterian priest comes to our Human Behavior Class

Dr. Gerlach invited her friend Joseph to speak to our class. Joseph helped lighten my heart to my former religion as he recited Rumi, a poet I learned of from my favorite professor in community college. I felt that  Joseph was a great example of the honorable tenets of the Christian faith. He helps the homeless, he was honest about his feelings, to me he seemed nonjudgemental, and he was open to an honest discussion about religion. To be honest I was uncomfortable when Dr. Gerlach told us who she was inviting, but afterwords I was very happy to have this experience.

Converting Over Lunch

When I went to Dallas over Spring Break, my best friend, Monika and her boyfriend, Max told me about their lunch date. They were dining out when someone came and sat at their table with them. The new addition to their table told them he felt compelled to come talk to them about Jesus Christ. They politely told him they weren't interested, and as the man walked away he said, "God Bless You." Max told me that it felt derogatory and he didn't appreciate the "God Bless You," and he especially didn't appreciate a stranger interrupting their meal. 

Some Additional Thoughts 

• I feel like I have to justify my atheism by explaining that I was raised in the church.
• In my experience, Christians have been some of the most judgmental people I've ever met.
• While I enjoy learning about religions and their tenets, I feel that the people I encounter of those faiths don't necessarily practice those principals. (Treat others as you wish to be treated, love and don't judge...)
• Like atheism for people of religion, I think it's easy to focus on the negative aspects we experience. (This was voiced loud and clear in our class from both sides.)
• I don't try to convert anyone to atheism, so I wish people wouldn't try to convert me to their religion.
• I don't think that every person blindly follows their faith. I believe that most people of religious faith have good hearts and intentions.
• I have seen people of faith (rabbis predominantly) stand up for rights that I feel often aren't supported by people of faith.
• In the book Half the Sky, the authors explain how generous churches are, and that they make up a large portion of U.S. donations. In this aspect, I respect people of faith. However, churches can also be a place to rally around discrimination (protesting gay marriage and reproductive rights).

I am aware that my experiences may not seem comprehensive to some, but they are enough for me to feel comfortable in my own beliefs.

I leave you with this video. 

A Post that Mostly Feels Like a Rant

Out of the readings this week, I found myself compelled by Diana Eck's articles: Afraid of Ourselves, Working it Out, and See You in Court.

In Afraid of Ourselves, Eck begins by addressing different religious dress. "Muslim men may wear a beard, and Sikh men may wear not only a beard but also a turban wrapped around their uncut hair," (240).

As soon as I  read this, I remembered a boy I went to middle and high school with. He wore a turban, and often was made fun of for having long hair. I don't remember even once speaking with him, and in retrospect I'm sure it was because he was ridiculed. I heard from peers that it was his religion, but I feel it was talked about in a joking manner, and I definitely never heard that he was Sikh.

Now I wish I would have taken the time to get to know my peers from other cultures, but I think as an adolescent you're so concerned with other people think you are reluctant. (Often I wish that I was more open and friendly through school, but only since this class do I fully regret the broad range of students I missed out on connecting with. I'm trying to remedy this mistake in college.)

I guess this is just another case that I realize I never thought about because I look like and am assumed to be in the majority. As an atheist (not always- I grew up Presbyterian), there aren't any religious rituals that put you in the spotlight in your neighborhood or workplace. (Not to say that there aren't other injustices; I doubt I'll ever have the ability to be a politician without a Christian faith [because how else could I possibly have any morals?]).

I loved this quote, also in Afraid of Ourselves: "Couple a deep negativity toward religious difference with a deep ignorance of other religious traditions, and we have a recipe for prejudice," (Eck, 241). I remember learning about Christianity and Catholicism throughout my public education, because those are important parts of a Eurocentric history. Unfortunately, I don't know much about Eastern religious faiths. Is that just? Well, like Eck says, it seems to set the stage for religious persecution and hate crimes, so I'm going to answer myself with a resounding NO.

Another injustice was brought up in Working it Out. "A bus driver for a New York transit company can now wear a beard, but an employee of one of the major airlines cannot," (Eck, 244). Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I imagine that a bus driver and an airline employee earn very different wages. Isn't this another institutionalized form of racism? How does facial hair make you less capable than anyone else? It's purely a pretentious American presentation standard. (I just watched Bill Maher's most recent stand up, and one of his closing lines was asking Obama to grow his hair out to send Republicans into a frenzy. (Um, isn't it 2012? Oh yeah, it is! [And the worst part is that I think that may actually be a controversy with American people. What do you think? -sigh-])

Lastly, I'd like to talk about See You in Court. I think this struck a chord with me because of the Zinn reading we have been doing. The Supreme Court ruled in favor of the Forest Service when Native Americans tried to preserve their land. The ruling stated, "Whatever rights the Indians may have to use the area, however, those rights do not divest the government of its right to use what is, after all, its land," (Eck, 275). Well, we've all been doing the same reading, so does "jfakjgkajeigagnd" sum up how we feel about this ruling? YOUR LAND?! Are you joking me?! So Christians can have all of their holidays and Sundays off of work, but you can't help but to build highways through small amounts of land you promised to Native Americans? Oh yeah, and skiing sites. Skiing sites are also more important that sacred sites of Native Americans. You know a mountain is sacred and business is still going to trump that? I am frustrated.

I really try to make my blogs professional and scholarly, but I think over the last two months this anger and sarcasm has been building up. This one was impossible for me to write using that framework. In a nutshell, I feel like if you aren't white, Christian, male, and a Capitalist, your ideals are devalued in America.

P.S. Apologies for the lateness of my blog this week. I look forward to reading your blogs!

P.P.S. I found two articles and a video this week that are very relevant to our class.

Homeless Woman Sent to Jail for Sending Her Child to the Wrong School

A 13-Year-Old's Slavery Analogy

The Texas Legislature is routinely passing bills fraudulently. 

P.P.P.S. Follow my personal blog.